Is it really Self Sabotage or is it Opposition?

***I just found something I was working on the day of the last big storm (you know, the hurricane?!)

Self Sabotage or Opposition

I have spent years blaming myself for everything that I did and didn’t do. Or started out to do and then found myself unable to continue because nearly everything in the world went wrong - all because I started a diet or an exercise programme or decided to have a positive day.

Can anyone else relate to this? LOL

Well today I am fasting – thankfully a lot of that believing in self-sabotage is far behind me, because now I can see clearly how much of what was taking place was simply ‘opposition’, obstacles and resistance. 

Of course I wanted to look up what opposition means, but once I began to write this article, the latest Atlantic storm has kicked in with gusto, the internet has gone down (again) and the electricity is flickering. 

But, there cannot possibly be anyone out there (up there?) ‘opposed’ to what ordinary people like you and me are doing way down here on terra firma, can there?

But then, as a Medical Intuitive, I would always stop and think, no not out there or up there, but ‘in here’. Somewhere held deeply inside of our tissues are the seeds of another world or worlds. 

We are made of stars….or an entire Universe, one we have yet to create, because the current world we are living in holds us captive.

So, in this situation it is always best persevere and wait for the internet to come back on….ahh, here it is; when looking up exactly what opposition means, of course the first word I come across is to resist. This is interesting in itself because resistance implies negative connotations from the outset.

However, opposition also means the opposite, something that is in contrast or serves as an obstacle to a situation. This of course tends to place many forms of opposition in direct conflict with all we are trying to achieve in our lives.

When I feel, experience and think of opposition or even sabotage, my mind wanders to all the ways and means we think, want, desire but do not or cannot seem to ‘do’. There is an energetic resistance out there and in here that needs to be overcome. 

I guess at the end of it all – these storms, this weather and all that is taking place around us, is in us as well. Mother Earth has been having a moment or some would say a fit for several weeks now in the North Atlantic.

Perhaps she is leveling the opposition for those of us walking a certain path….

April

Near Goleen, West Cork

Listening, Hearing and Ignoring

So, what is it that you keep putting off? What words of inner wisdom are gently washing ashore for your benefit and yet, you feel them, hear them, but cannot for the life of you seem to do anything about them?

I'm not entirely sure what to call this state of mind we all find ourselves in from time to time (blocked, resistant?). However, it is real and happens far too often to be good for us. Usually this goes on until there are a pile of changes, things, advice and tasks we should be doing or have done - yet they linger on.

And what do we do? After a while we start to get down, feeling heavy, weighted and dragging in our spirits as if there was a heavy burden on our backs. At times we make feeble attempts to hack away at that list, to no avail. 

The interest, motivation and energy to get going is just not there.

However, if we can get the presence of mind enough, or perhaps find an open door to walk through into some much needed clarity, then sometimes that is all that it takes to finally begin to roll once again towards our desired goals.

For me, whenever I feel this way and this dark heavy energy has settled over me like a wet blanket, if I can get myself focused enough to do something different or get physical, I can often overcome this energy block and actually accomplish something for the day.

Today, and for these past few days, some old negative patterns such as this have been coming up to the surface for me, I have been doing nearly everything to force the energy to move and then to keep things moving. 

Today, after my workout, I just jumped into cooking some recipes I had been putting off (there it is!). Then I went out into my herb garden and planted, pulled weeds and generally dug in for an hour or so. Next I am going to make some technical changes to my blogs (another task put off) and then work my way down my growing list.

The main issue with knowing, wanting or needing to make some of these changes, or to complete some task is not the fact that they do not get done. The main problem here is how much energy can be tied up, waiting for us to complete one task in order to move on or create an opening for something else. 

We have to decide to walk through each outer door as it presents itself (or not) long before we can gain access to inner doors. That's just how energy works.

Have an active day,

April

painting with my 5 year old

Always Waiting...?

I have been making some observations about myself and my thinking - or at least the way that I have been used to thinking for most of my life and find hard to shake. We all seem to have these patterns to our thought processes and for me (perhaps you as well?) one of them is that I keep putting things off until the right time.

Even those words do not adequately describe what we do exactly, it's as if we want to live or be a certain way, however, for that to come about will take considerable time, commitment, energy and effort - so we often just put it down as another wish/dream/desire/hope and let it sit. 

Of course, what we end up with is this habit of wanting to do something, or create some new way of living, be somewhere and so forth - BUT, because it cannot be the exact way I would like it to be in that moment, I either back away from it or relegate it to the future events pile.

What I have realized is that by doing this continuously over my lifetime of living with all of these hopes and desires, the dream becomes like a carrot that is always slightly out of reach with us continuously going around in circles wishing that things were different.

Today I was pulling this thought pattern apart and I came up with several reasons that seem to float through my mind whenever I think of certain of my goals/dreams/hopes/wishes  and why I am not living the way I want to be living at this very moment; I realized I think something along these lines -

wait until 'this' comes to me

looking forward to 'something' happening

wait until I have 'the' money or more money or financial security

wait until I live in a better location for 'that' to happen

wait until someone else does 'it' with me

wait until I am 'ready'

Now, if I was to insert a goal into each of those brief thoughts, such as having a baby or getting a puppy (if you have had children or a puppy you can relate to this) - waiting for something to happen is not going to make it happen, you will never have enough money and the time will never be exactly right.

Thankfully most of us go ahead and have children or get puppies anyway and deal with the life changes as they come up. So, why is it any different to place some other goal or desire into this scenario above and expect the same positive results, going with things as they happen or making them happen? 

Could it be because a dream is still thought of as an extra, not really necessary, or might there be some level of higher resistance to pursuing a dream? And why might that be? Perhaps a dream is so large, affects so many and so much more that these ripples change everything, for everybody. Could there be an element of fear here?

Maybe dreams arrive from someplace else, a place where we first have to travel deep inside to retrieve them from the darkness, bringing them into the light of day. There may be many ways to look at the mechanics of waking up the dreamer inside- however, once awake, watch out world, because the waiting is over.

The decision is ours,

April

Full moon over the night garden

Getting Out of Our Own Way

These past few days during my cleanse I have been focused on removing obstacles, blocks, resistance and other negative energy that has been holding me back. So, with this theme in mind I have been chipping away at some of the more obvious areas where I have been feeling stuck.

Of course the entire point of doing any cleanse of this sort, what I would call a 'spiritual detox' is to get at the bottom of whatever these underlying patterns are buried deep in my soul. I once heard it said that dysfunction of the spirit is far more serious then any other disorder of the body. This part of us can be damaged seemingly beyond repair and it is a delicate place to encourage healing.

In fact many of us go through our entire lives feeling hurt, damaged, weary or worse, not feeling at all - because the heart, the door that leads to spirit has been firmly closed in face of pain and adversity. Is it any wonder that the number one disorder and most modern diseases centre around the heart?

Just what is it that drives us out of our 'homes' and takes us so very far away from the centre of our being, enough to cause a slow and painful inflammation that ultimately develops from disconnection? Perhaps there is no one reason but many forming a web that contains us and disables our ability to find our way back to our deepest selves.

We have all heard the saying 'you can't go home again' and I fully understand this on one level. Once you leave the place of your childhood, you will change and step into bigger shoes, not wanting to play the same roles. To me then, this was not our home, but a temporary living arrangement in someone else's house. 

You must seek out a place for yourself, creating it out of the person you want to be and then put your heart and soul into such a project. Yet not many people can achieve this or even realize that this is what they are seeking in their lives.

A block in the heart is an emptiness, a hole that cannot be filled though many of us try with excess food, drink, drugs and other addictions. If you are brave and want to continue on your spiritual journey, this hole will have to be repaired one way or another. Of course, there are many bonuses to be found in the healing of the heart, and you will watch your life come back together in new ways.

Perhaps the best thing we can do once we are at this point is to make sure that we are not equally part of the problem here, hanging on to our familiar blocks and obstacles. 

It is time to let go and move onwards and upwards. 

April